Because I Cannot Hurt You

Chapter 170 - Rejection Before Confession

His face was marred in utter bewilderment as he saw her crying. "Xinyi, what happened?"

Zhiyuan anxiously tried to reach her, extending his hand to hold her face. But instead, Xinyi instinctively took a step back in horror. She was scared. She was afraid. That memory washed away every last bit of the joy and happiness that had warmed her heart into bliss.

Zhiyuan's hand froze in mid-air.

Why...why is she crying? D-Did I do something wrong? But wasn't everything going fine…

"Xinyi…"

She shut her eyes and covered her ears, not wanting to hear his voice. Her soft sobs filled the air that was once filled with sounds of their passion.

Her reaction crushed his heart as if somebody tightly slapped him.

"Xinyi p-please...stop crying," his heart was racing in fear. Even though he wanted to console her, he didn't know how, and he couldn't understand what caused her to cry in the first place. She wasn't letting him step near her either.

"Please…" Xinyi's heartbroken voice fumbled. "I don't want this…"

Zhiyuan blankly stared at her. Her words that fell upon his ears shook him hard.

"W-what?" He choked. His stammering voice couldn't hide the shock and pain from her sudden rejection.

"No...I don't want this…" she cried hard. Drops of tears stained the floor with her hurt and ache that twisted her heart. "Don't say anything I beg you…"

Don't want this…

Her words replayed in his mind endlessly and somehow, even though he grasped its meaning, he was afraid to accept it. He was just about to confess his love when she pushed him back with all her force. He gazed at her and her small figure shrunk as she hugged herself. She was shaking as if she was going through a nightmare. A sense of grief filled her eyes as she collapsed on her knees.

A self-deprecating smile graced his lips and he felt the surroundings turn bleary. Tears stung his eyes and they plopped down his cheeks.

Ah...I see…

She doesn't want this…Us...she doesn't want us…

Rejection.

That was what it was. She had rejected him. Perhaps, she knew what he wanted to say to her. So, she pushed him away.

He was so close to making her his. But, it turned out that he wasn't close to her at all.

It was all my imagination…

He felt that the distance between them was genuinely lessening. He thought that she was just within his reach. But, it was all a fragment of his imagination.

She was always far away from him. But, he misunderstood his place in her heart.

This feeling…What was this feeling that had completely crumbled his heart into smithereens? It was suffocating and so extremely agonizing.

Why did I assume that she might be having feelings for me too? I am so stupid. When did I become so arrogant? Just because... just because we spent seven years together, did that mean that she was obligated to have feelings for me?

Why did I take her for granted as if she would definitely say yes? Or did I think that just because we have a son, she is supposed to love me?

The realization hit him so hard that everything suddenly became crystal clear to him. He made her stand in a difficult position now. Her condition was so bad.

She was trembling and wailing that expressed how much she rejected the notion. She surely accepted the ring, but that didn't necessarily equate to anything.

Emptiness welled in his chest, and he felt unable to speak. He wanted to hug her and make her stop from crying. But, how was he supposed to do that when he was the cause of her tears?

"I-I am sorry…" Xinyi covered her mouth and gasped. She weakly said, trying to control the fear from overwhelming her. But in the end, she failed miserably.

Her apology hurt his heart even more. He brought upon this situation, but even then, she apologized. He quickly wiped his tears and straightened up. "Xinyi you don't have to say anything. Please don't apologize...I-I mean it's all my fault. Don't be sorry, okay? I...I have hurt you. I am sorry. I misunderstood everything. So-so please…"

His anxious voice broke her stupor. She lifted her head and saw the trace of his tears that had stained his cheek wet. He was trying to smile, but it faltered. She suddenly realized what took over her and her teary eyes widened in horror. She didn't want to push him away, but that memory had paralyzed her to the point that she couldn't help reacting that way.

"Zhiyuan…" her legs trembled as she got up. She swayed and was about to fall when Zhiyuan quickly caught her.

At first, they stiffened. Their eyes filled with pain and sorrow gazed at each other. Zhiyuan helped her stand on her feet and quickly took a step back. There was a long stretch of silence.

Xinyi wanted to explain but how? She had no idea. How could she admit the truth of what happened that night?

Nobody could break the ice. Nobody knew where to start. The atmosphere grew deathly still and stagnant and suffocating.

Zhiyuan had gotten his answer. There was nothing else left to say.

"Si-Siying must be waiting for us, right?" He randomly spoke the first thing that came to his mind. He didn't know how to face her.

Xinyi froze.

Once again….once again, everything came to a standstill. Once again, it was awkward between them. Their first date that had started on such a beautiful note, ended in the most horrible way.

Their way back home was extremely silent and awkward.

As they stepped into the Han villa, they were greeted with the sight of Han Huizhong and Soo Enlai loudly laughing together.

"Hahaha! I am so happy!"

Soo Enlai's gaze fell upon Xinyi and Zhiyuan who just stepped in. He beamed and his eyes shone in joy. "Xinyi! Zhiyuan! You both came at the right time!"

They tried to smile their best, not to make anybody suspicious of what had transpired between.

"Dad…" she softly smiled.

Soo Enlai pulled his daughter into a hug. "I am so happy today!"

Zhiyuan clenched his fist in his pocket, trying to hide his emotions. He asked, "Dad. You and Grandpa seem to be in a good mood. What happened?"

"It's about Zizi and Yunru! We have decided to announce their engagement!"